Paul's Marriage Relationship Advice Blog

10 Ways you can Save your Marriage and be a Happy Married Couple

If you are not a happy married couple, it isn't because you haven't tried and it isn't because you are not good people. Even if the first order of business is to save your marriage because of ongoing stress and painful interactions don't imagine for even one minute that you have to live like you do now. To save your marriage you don't have to work as hard as you think or sacrifice anything. To have people say, "There goes a happy married couple," all you have to do is learn what marriage is all about and follow the rules of success.

Divorce is Unnatural and a Disease you Don't have to Suffer From

Everybody knows the divorce rate is well over 50% for first time marriages, but that doesn't make it normal. By looking at the divorce rate one would think that marriage is next to impossible, especially when you consider how many married couples are not at all happy. You can save your marriage and have an incredibly joyful marital experience for the rest of your lives just like you thought you would when you first got married. But first you have to know what to do.

Would you ever try to fly an airplane without learning about airplanes, weather, and all of the things you should know before you attempt flight? The obvious answer is no because it would be downright stupid to approach something you know very little about with cockiness that can get you killed. A marriage is the same. When you first got married you didn't know anything about what marriage is or how to function properly within it. Just like everybody else you figured that you were smart enough to handle whatever problems came your way and no matter what it was your love would get you through; do you remember that?

The Real Problem is a Lack of 'How to Live' Education in our School System

Our western materialistic culture does nothing to prepare individuals for married life. There are no courses in relationships or gender differences. As a nation we simply do not know how to create a loving, synergistic family. Those who have taken responsibility for relationships, western psychologists, are trained to focus on diseases of the mind. They are always looking for a mental disorder when a couple has marital problems rather than explaining what marriage requires in terms of attitudes and behaviors.

Here are 10 things you can do to save your marriage and become a happy married couple:

1. Make a list of your expectations and then make sure they are expectations for you rather than your spouse
2. Make a list of your spouse's good qualities and remind yourself of how fortunate you are to have married them
3. Count your blessings
4. Put your complaints into perspective and reduce their power over you
5. Determine that you will behave how you want your spouse to behave
6. Tell your children how wonderful your spouse is
7. Tell your spouse how wonderful he or she is
8. Tell your spouse how much you love them
9. Pray that you may see only the positives of your spouse
10. Tell your spouse you love them again

When I wrote Lessons For A Happy Marriage I would give parts of it out to people to read so I could get feedback on what was affective and what was not. I was surprised by how people immediately understood what they needed to do just by reading a few words and absorbing the principles that are both spiritual and universal. You too can have the happiest marriage on the face of the earth by understanding how sweet your life can be and how to work with your marriage instead of against it. My prayers are always with you.

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Posted by Paul Friedman on February 23, 2009 | Categories: relationship advice

Dealing with your Spouse Affectionately can Save Your Marriage

If you want to save your marriage, the question of how you are going to be dealing with your spouse is of paramount importance. There are different methods that have been tried and have proven to be failures time and again. Let's go over those failed methods which at first seem so tempting but prove to be disastrous.

1) The "Why don't you do it my way" method

This is the method of choice by those who think they can see the whole picture even though their spouse is blinded by either emotions (as in the case of a male presenter) or ignorance about women and family matters (as presented by the female presenter). The utilization of this method seems so obvious to the presenter who is usually astounded and completely exasperated by the lack of receptivity they encounter. The presenter doesn't recognize the condescending perspective they have. They completely dismiss any intelligence and wisdom their spouse may have. Obviously, this method only works on dogs and other creatures that live to be told what to do.

2) The "You owe me" method

This method is usually used by those who think they have a handle on "fairness" and believe their view of fairness supersedes any sense of individual free will. This method incorporates perfectly reasonable questions that ought to be discussed, but does so in a confrontational, impossible-to-succeed way. The user of this method seems only to be aware of individual rights when it comes to their own.

3) The "Can't we just talk this out" method

This method makes the most sense in any situation other than a marriage or other type of human relationship that is based on love. The heart is not a mind and does not do very well with practical responses to soulful yearnings. A broken heart requires much more than an intellectual discourse.

If you want to save your marriage the first thing you must do is recognize what happened - what you did - to shake it from its foundation. You need to go back through your personal memory file to see if you have been a loving, caring and supportive spouse. You have to ask yourself very personal questions that you would ask somebody else if they came to you with the problems you are now facing.

Do you know what it takes to be a good spouse?
Have you been more selfish than serviceful?
Have you been courting your spouse throughout your marriage?

-OR-

Did you take your spouse for granted?

The healthy and happy marriage is much simpler to achieve than you can imagine. Naturally, it helps to gain an understanding of what marriage is and the behaviors that enhance your marital relationship. All of the couples I worked with were blown away by the simplicity of marriage and what is required. There is no reasonable reason to throw away or walk away from your marriage. Well over 90% of marriages that appear to be on the brink of ending can be turned into marriages of distinction that would provide an inspiration for others who are struggling in their marriage. Treat your spouse with love and affection now and forever.

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Posted by Paul Friedman on February 19, 2009 | Categories: intimacy, relationship advice

Learn the Rules for a Happy Marriage

Although getting into a new marriage doesn't carry the same level of risk as getting into a new business, the statistics are still pretty scary; you almost want to call them "sad-istics." Yet, what choice do we have but to get married and raise a family in spite of other people's past experiences? We are driven to do so. Our biology, our psychology and even our sociology prods and pushes us; then we find the right partner and nothing can stop us. People need guidelines for a happy marriage.

If you think about it you might wonder why no attention is put on the subject matter of relationships and marriage in school. After all, not everyone needs algebra to get along in life but everyone needs to understand relationships in order to have a fulfilling marriage. Statistics are blind but they're not dumb; they're shouting at the top of their lungs a message of caution and a suggestion to learn.

By reading my book Lessons For A Happy Marriage, everyone has the ability to learn what it takes to have a happy and fulfilling marriage for the rest of their life. Nobody needs to set sail on the ocean of uncertainty filled with all sorts of dangers. When you don't know how to sail, even the tiniest wind can set you off course. On the other hand when you have studied and understand the construction of your marriage and the threatening elements that can upset your marriage you will know exactly what to do; the stormiest seas will become mere zephyrs.

You and your future soul mate deserve to have the happiest marriage ever. You are divine children set in a fragrant garden filled with fruits of love and harmony. Remember the following 4 points in order to live in joy:

1. Marriage is not meant to be hard. Learn the rules and know the tools so you are not doing the equivalent of using a hairbrush for a hammer.
2. You are marrying the most important person in your life. Treat them better than you would the President of country.
3. Marriage is where you learn to love unconditionally; always improve your efforts.
4. "Fools argue, wise persons discuss." Never argue with your spouse.

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Posted by Paul Friedman on February 03, 2009 | Categories: for newlyweds, relationship advice

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