Paul's Marriage Relationship Advice Blog

My Plan to Stop Divorce and End the Marriage Crisis in our Country

One of the most destructive thoughts you can have is that marriage problems are just a natural part of marriage. Our country can literally stop divorce in its tracks if we eradicate this devilish notion brought upon us by pseudo healers known as psychologists.

For obvious reasons, family therapists who claim to specialize in helping married couples do not advertise the fact that their success rate in helping troubled marriages is below 10%. Could you imagine bringing your car to an auto repair shop that had a success rate of 10%?

What has given them power and authority has nothing to do with ability. In the state of California for instance, clinical psychologists who report to the family law courts have absolute legal protection. They literally have more protection than judges because a judge can be 'checked' through the appeals process, but a psychologist has no one scrutinizing their work. The old saying that absolute power absolutely corrupts is absolutely proven by numerous examples of abuse in the state of California.

My mission is to end the marriage crisis in our country for the sake of our children.

Step 1: Show you how to stop divorce and resolve your own marriage problems

Those who believe that marriage problems are a necessary part of a marriage are gravely mistaken and end up undermining their own future marital successes by establishing a subconscious, negative expectation in their minds.

Like anything else, when marriage is understood, a couple is able to work within its guiding structures. There is no need for grandiose explanations of simple principles; anyone can understand marriage.

When a couple understands the definition of marriage and how it is intended to be constructed, and when a couple understands attitudes and behaviors that work with, instead of against those principles, the assurance of a happy marriage is written in stone. Couples who are suffering with marriage problems must be educated to the simplicity and ease with which they can have a joyous marriage.

Step 2: Teach individuals how to find their soul mate

I am writing a third book that educates young people who wish to find their life's mate by using spiritually scientific methods. It is critically important to properly use one's discrimination to avoid potentially dangerous unions.

Step 3: Create a network of specially trained mediators who offer a viable alternative to divorce

I am laying the foundation for a mediation school that will offer the best alternative to the family court system. The family court system polarizes families that are already suffering and it invariably aggravates the pain and sorrow associated with a breaking family. My specially trained mediators will offer their clients a viable and attractive offer to stay together by teaching the fundamental principles of marriage through coaching receptive couples toward a joyous family experience.

Even if our success rate is only 20% (and the rest go on to a divorce) we will have accomplished much. And for those who must divorce, we will help remove the obstacles of anger and disappointment that prevent future friendship and harmony. Couples who part as friends instead of enemies can more quickly adapt to the traumas of divorce that lie in front of them.

Step 4: Infuse our nation's school system with a "how to live" curriculum

The current emphasis in our schools is focused on teaching children how to become part of a machine called the economy, rather than how to become part of a living entity called our community.

The foundation of almost all crises in our country is the marriage crisis of our broken families. Only through intensity of purpose can we change the current course that our nation is running. We cannot leave our destinies up to political leaders. We all must do everything that we can as individuals and as families to revitalize our nation by making the family the natural unit of measure again.

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Posted by Paul Friedman on February 18, 2009 | Categories: divorce, pauls mission

Why Save Your Marriage? - 3 Good Reasons

When people reach the end of their emotional and psychological rope they invariably ask if their marriage is worth saving. Ironically, they already know intuitively they should save their marriage; they just don't know how. I have never met anyone (which doesn't mean they don't exist) who got married with the idea of ending their marriage sometime in the future. People get married to live happily ever after. Why are there so few who do?

We Live in a Very Confused Society

Everyone complains about dishonesty.
Even those who sneak into movies without paying.

Everyone complains about crooked politicians.
Even those who take advantage of their situational power.

No one thinks of themselves as a liar.
Not even those who cheat on their income tax.

Everyone thinks their marriage will work.
Even though the divorce rate is staggering.

The idea of saving your marriage is great. Trouble should create a wake-up call that prompts you to investigate everything and everywhere until you find a solution for your marital woes. In the meantime never give up on having a very happy marriage. You can save your marriage despite the flaws you find in your spouse or yourself; that is a fact. Do you think God is so cruel as to create marriage as a way to find suffering? Can you imagine God being so cruel as to create marriage only for those who are perfect? I didn't believe it and so I searched for and discovered everything needed to create or fix marriage; and you can too.

There are a number of good reasons to save your marriage:

1) Your children
Your children are not possessions. They came into your life as a blessing and a responsibility. The very foundation of a child consists of a united mother and father. Don't imagine your children will be OK if you don't save your marriage. Don't believe the lies society puts forth to rationalize "divorce on demand".

2) Your future success
When you took your marriage vows they reflected the most serious commitment of your life - to your spouse and yourself. Giving up is contrary to the laws of success.

3) Our society
Families are the unit of measure of any society. There has been a tremendous transformation to our society as a result of the high divorce rate. There is no reasonable substitution for a family-based social order. Each individual has greater importance when he or she is part of a society of families. The obvious insecurities and fears that are strangling our country are the logical result of divorce.

If your marriage is troubled there are clear-cut reasons, rarely the ones on the surface. Like anything else marriage has a natural structure to it which must be sustained by correct behaviors. I have gone into great detail in my book Lessons For A Happy Marriage so that anyone can understand what it takes to save a marriage, no matter how awful it may appear to be. Don't give up and don't be demoralized if your current state is one of pain and suffering. You and your spouse deserve what God has created for you to enjoy.

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Posted by Paul Friedman on January 25, 2009 | Categories: for parents, marriage counseling, pauls mission

Save Your Marriage - Save Your Children

I live in a town that has a beautiful meditation garden sitting atop 100-foot bluffs that look out over the Pacific Ocean. It is a great tourist spot whose beauty is not overlooked by us locals. Sometimes I go as often as two or three times a week, even if it is for just a few minutes. Sundays are a particularly busy time for the garden and it is always a pleasure to smile at others who are enjoying the beauty and tangible spiritual vibration. Yesterday when I went to the garden there was a lady with two little children, the cutest little girls you could ever imagine. One was four and a half who was just visited by the Tooth Fairy and the other was still backpack size.

It was obvious the lady had never come there before and I sort of drifted into the role of a tour guide. Although she was very sweet she seemed a bit tense and it wasn't very long before she revealed to me that she had just been divorced. As any of my kids would tell you I am very sensitive to that word: divorce. Over the years it has become abundantly clear to me that a divorce is something that adults do, and children go through.

"Save Your Marriage, Save Your Children" Has Become One of My Battle Cries.

Have you ever done something you know you should not have done but instead of admitting it and accepting the results you find ways to rationalize? Of course you have and so has everyone else. We humans are pretty clever in our ignorance. When it comes to describing the results of divorce we have become masters of ignorance. Not only have we accepted divorce as normal but we have excused it completely and even come up with so-called benefits. We are now at the point where we suffer unbelievably if we have to go through a divorce yet publicly act as if it is no big deal. But it is a big deal. It is a huge deal and what it does to parents is nothing compared to what it does to children.

The Foundational Pillars of Each Child is The Mother and
The Father in Unity

Parents, do you know that these are not your children? You didn't create them. These children are God's. They are entrusted to those willing to sacrifice much for the privilege of raising His children. Yet our society has turned children into possessions that are fought over in courts of law. Despite all of the rhetoric of putting the children first during a divorce or separation, parents ignore the fundamental reality that they are trading away their commitment and obligations for the delusive possibility of an easier life when divorced. It won't come. All that will happen will be suffering on top of suffering as you watch your children lose the sure footedness they used to have in an intact marriage.

All Marriages are Fixable When You Know How

I have dedicated my life to saving children by saving marriages. God never intended for us to suffer in marriage; it is merely our ignorance of what is required that creates so much suffering. Don't give up. If your marriage isn't getting better every day it means you are doing something wrong. You don't need counseling, you just need to understand marriage.

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Posted by Paul Friedman on January 24, 2009 | Categories: marriage counseling, pauls mission

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