Paul's Marriage Relationship Advice Blog

August 2008

Marriage Help for Men

During my live practice as a mediator, I focused on bringing marriages back together instead of helping people get a divorce. Approximately 50% of the calls I received were from men. Interestingly, men seemed to be more desperate, and at the same time resigned to the reality that their marriage may end. There were two major groups of men who called. One group of men had cheated on their wives and their wives had found out. The other group of men discovered their wives were having an affair. There was also a smaller group of men who had just realized their marriage was falling apart because their wife told them they were going to get a lawyer and file for a divorce.

The situations where a wife was having an affair were very difficult. I only saw couples who both wanted the relationship back. Because a woman comes from the heart when she has an affair, it is often too late for her to give her man a second chance. When small children are involved I sometimes reached the extra mile, sometimes successfully.

Men who think we can understand the mind of a woman are deluding themselves. I am not trying to be funny, just a practical. But men, you don't need to understand them in order to love them and express your love and appreciation. It might be said the needs of a woman are simple and communicating those responses that a woman needs is also a simple. But men forget how they behaved when they courted. They forget to treasure the greatest gift in their lives. They forget to express love and appreciation continually. They forget to remember how sweet their life is when they treat their woman the only way that works. Always remember to tell your wife, "I love you."

Posted by Paul Friedman on August 30, 2008 | Categories: for men

Marriage Counselor Las Vegas NV

If you're looking for a marriage counselor in Las Vegas, Nevada or Schenectady, New York, please be aware that in those two cities, and in virtually every city across the nation, marriage counselors have a dismal record for saving marriages. The fact of the matter is you and your spouse have the best chance of saving your marriage - all on your own. The great news is that when you set your minds to saving your marriage, you can make it happen 100% of the time. The only thing standing between you and a happy marriage is 1) the knowledge of what to do, and 2) the will to do it.

Marriage counselors are usually trained psychologists who help people deal with their issues. But issues don't interfere with a happy marriage. Issues are individual problems every single individual in the world has. If it were issues that prevented a happy marriage, there would be no such thing as a happy marriage because everyone has issues. The cause of marriage failure lies in not understanding what a marriage is.

When I began mediation it was overwhelmingly clear to me people really don't want to get a divorce, they just don't know what else to do. Would you get into an airplane and attempt to fly it if you had not read an instruction manual or taken any lessons?

Once you understand the construction of a marriage and which control does what, you can become your own marriage counselor. I have seen more "ah ha" moments than probably anyone, as I explained the most basic and simple premises that make a marriage what it is. Please do not give up hope. Please do not imagine your marriage is in trouble. When you know what to do and you do it, you will have the happiest marriage on earth. And please don't forget to tell your spouse, "I love you."

Posted by Paul Friedman on August 28, 2008 | Categories: marriage counseling

Intimate Questions to Ask... Your Husband

By the time most people have been married a few years they have allowed the spark of intimate passion to recede almost to the point of nonexistence. Is that what you signed up for? When people initially meet someone they think will be suitable as a life partner, they imagine waking up with a smile on their face and seeing their best friend by their side. They imagine mornings filled with a few intimate moments before jumping into the daily grind. The beginning of a relationship is filled with excitement and anticipation. Where did it go? Do you still want that? Or have you gotten used to a dreary existence with your husband? Do you want that spark back?

Most women want to be loved, appreciated and seen as beautiful. They don't know how to communicate with their man in order to get those things. Most women don't realize their men are often confused about what to say and do to please their women. Out of frustration they read magazines and watch TV programs that are meant to educate women about how to reignite the flame in their relationship. There is nothing wrong with that but it is inadequate. Could you imagine when you were learning how to drive getting into a car and taking off without complete instructions? That's what you did when you got married. Having someone giving you helpful tips as you are driving a car and banging into things is the same as not really understanding marriage and getting helpful hints to reignite the spark in your lives. The first and next thing any married couple should do is get a manual for marriage. Probably the best one available is the one that I wrote, Lessons For A Happy Marriage, but there may be others out there. In the meantime there are a few intimate questions you can ask your husband that just may get those embers glowing.

1. Honey, what do you see when you look into my eyes?
2. Sweetheart, do you see in my eyes how much I love you?
3. Baby, where would you like me to massage you... everywhere?
4. Handsome, do you want to know what you can do that really turns me on?

Ladies, I advocate a woman's role as a nurturer who entices her husband towards higher planes of intimacy. By bringing the energy to the heart a man, a woman can discover the true meaning of 'soul mates'. That doesn't mean a little candy once in a while will hurt you. On the other hand if all you eat is candy and don't balance your diet with nutritious meals the candy will rot your teeth and destroy your digestive system. Healthy intimacy will sustain your marriage with joy and mutual admiration, and the candy will keep a smile on your face. Before you go to sleep tonight put your lips to your husband's ear and slowly whisper, "I love you."

Posted by Paul Friedman on August 26, 2008 | Categories: for women, intimacy

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