Paul's Marriage Relationship Advice Blog

December 2008

How to Make a Relationship Last Forever

Love is like a circle: it has no beginning and it has no end. Each day has its own cycle, as do months, years and lifetimes. Every single day is complete within itself and is a key part of the greater cycles of years and lifetimes. When we get trapped in a linear trajectory of life as if it has an end, we lose sight of the importance of every moment; we lose sight of the importance of every thought. As an individual you choose whether you wish to be a victim of the moment or the master of it. It is your choice as to which thoughts will flow through your mind and it is your thoughts that will determine your own destiny. You have the power.

The idea of controlling one's mind is not new, but it has become very confused. If you think of yourself as the mind, you give away all the power to control it. But when you recognize that you, the essential you, is spiritual - the soul - you realize the power to control the mind is natural.

To make a relationship last, infuse love for your spouse every moment and with as many thoughts as you can. Replace those nasty thoughts of criticism with loving thoughts of praise and support. Make each day one filled with thoughts of wanting to please your spouse by giving love in sincere and beautiful ways. Waste no thoughts on ugliness and selfishness. Make all thoughts beautiful flowers in the garden of your mind, and always remember to tell your spouse, "I love you."

Posted by Paul Friedman on December 31, 2008 | Categories: relationship advice

Divorce Advice from Paul

Some people asked me if the process I developed to help people have a very happy marriage will work for everyone. What a loaded question! That's like asking if the manual you got with your computer will work for everyone. The answer is no. The answer is yes. If you don't read the manual it won't help you one bit. But if you read it and follow its instructions, there is no reason why it shouldn't work.

We have grown up in a society that takes great pains to teach us how to use a computer starting in the second or third grade, while life skills such as communication are not discussed at all. Educators say these skills of life ought to be taught by the parents. I agree, but where are the parents going to learn? Learning how to be married by learning basic information about human nature and human interactions should most definitely be taught at the school level, along with scientific information about diet, exercise and other basic requirements needed by every individual.

By the time people have fumbled around in a marital relationship and are looking for divorce advice, they are discouraged and confused. But the most simple advice for those who have children is, don't do it if there is any way at all to avoid it. If there's any way to save your children and your selves from the horrors of divorce, go for it with everything you have, and please don't try marriage counseling. For the vast majority of people, it doesn't work.

If you must divorce after you have tried everything to stay together, by all means be the best person you can be in order to preserve what is left of your relationship. Some people actually get along better after they are separated. For your children's sake put their needs ahead of your own.

Avoid lawyers if you can. Avoid psychologists if you can. Try your best to find a mediator who is neither a psychologist nor a lawyer but is capable of understanding the financial and legal ramifications of divorce. It is not rocket science, although those in the system would like you to think it is even more complex. Keeping peace and harmony should be your highest priority. And remember, no matter how you're feeling, tell your spouse, "I love you."

Posted by Paul Friedman on December 28, 2008 | Categories: divorce

Understanding Women in Relationships - 5 tips

I know you girls will be reading this even though this is directed towards the guys in your life; it's okay. Many years ago I saw the movie called The Gods Must Be Crazy. One man was giving advice to another. The recipient of the advice said, "You've been married seven times how can you give advice?"

He said, "I know all about them; but nobody knows how to live with them..." Well that was a pretty cute and funny line in the movie but unfortunately a lot of people feel that way. Of course on the other side of the coin the ladies say the same thing about the men. Well I say that kind of talk and joking will definitely not lead to a happy relationship. That's the kind of stuff you have to get out of your head. Even if it sounds funny at first it establishes a subconscious idea in your mind that will allow you to blame your spouse or significant other rather than look at your own behavior in a particular situation.

It really isn't that hard to understand women in relationships if you understand the biology and psycho-physiological drives that create the desires and needs within them. For purposes of this short and hopefully useful article allow me to at least eradicate the negative attitudes.

Here are 5 Tips:

1. Appreciate women for whom and what they are. They are not men and don't want to be.
2. Tell them you appreciate them.
   
3. Women want to look beautiful for you. Acknowledge their efforts and tell them they are beautiful.
4. A woman's heart gives love unconditionally. Reciprocate by telling them you love them.
5. A woman's eyes see the best of you. Be your best at all times.

Women want to love their man and show it through loyalty, trust, support and nurturing. One of the biggest mistakes men make in relationships is they have an expectation that their woman will be like one of the guys over time. It's not really what you want anyway. So don't make that mistake. Remember to tell the woman of your dreams, "I love you."

Posted by Paul Friedman on December 24, 2008 | Categories: for men, relationship advice

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