Paul's Marriage Relationship Advice Blog

The Challenges of Interfaith Marriages

When two individuals get married they are combining families along with all of the traditions, joys, sorrows and prejudices that are part of their family's heritages. Interfaith marriages definitely contribute to the complexity of combining families.

On the other hand when two come together in Holy matrimony they become the foundation of future generations. This is a beginning of future generations and the decisions of the newlyweds are what matters.

Interfaith Marriages Don't Matter to God

Marriage is an invention of God's. Although God's laws are "defined" through religion His love is the universal component in all religions and the most important reality. While one religion may suggest the worship of God while on your knees and another religion has you standing up while you pray, both religions are praying to the same God. It is the guidance of God's rules for happiness that helped both individuals become good people as interpreted through their family first and religion second... right?

The families of both bride and groom sacrificed tremendously in order to protect and properly care for their respective children so when they suddenly announce their intention of marrying outside of their faith it is taken as a rejection of their values and a lack of appreciation for what they did; it is understandable. But it is not a rejection of the parents, at worst it is an assertion of a new beginning.

The Spiritual Aspect of God and His Love Underlines All Religions and All Marriages
Marriage is a Spiritual Union

The couple who marries vow to each other with God as their witness, and it is God who sanctifies the marriage. The couple doesn't have to worry about who performs the marriage ceremony; it will still be a Holy matrimony. But they do have to decide how they will raise their children.

Future Parents must Make Decisions for their own Family

A universal reality is that once a couple joins together in matrimony and leaves the house of their parents they begin a new family and new lineage. Sometimes parents don't understand what that means at first. Because of their love and attachment they insist upon continuing to impose their own values on the new family that they consider to be an offshoot of their own, and it is. But it is independent, taking root in its new soil, and the new couple must choose for themselves the destiny of their family.

It is wise and loving for parents to be supportive of whatever decision the couple makes and not try to influence them.

It is very important for the future parents to decide how their children will be raised. After all, marriage in the faith of the children is creating consistency and security for them. Putting off the presumed "shock" is not helpful. Your parents deserve the consideration of your honesty. If they reject you because of your decision you must understand that you knew when you started dating outside your faith that yours may become an interfaith marriage. You chose to put your future in your own hands even if it meant partial or total rejection from your parents and now is not the time to judge them. Let them have time for the reality to sink in. Let them come to a resolution in their own mind and in their own way; no selling or cajoling.

Your Family will be Defined by the Values you Adhere To

Now is the time to practice the art of discussions. In my book, Lessons For A Happy Marriage, I help couples learn the art of marital discussions. You may wish to review the principles and techniques found there. But in the meantime remember some very important points

• Be nice - control your behavior no matter how you feel
• Be understanding - no one has a handle on ultimate truth except God
• Be loving - care deeply for all you interact with

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Posted by Paul Friedman on February 04, 2009 | Categories: for newly engaged, for newlyweds, for parents

Learn the Rules for a Happy Marriage

Although getting into a new marriage doesn't carry the same level of risk as getting into a new business, the statistics are still pretty scary; you almost want to call them "sad-istics." Yet, what choice do we have but to get married and raise a family in spite of other people's past experiences? We are driven to do so. Our biology, our psychology and even our sociology prods and pushes us; then we find the right partner and nothing can stop us. People need guidelines for a happy marriage.

If you think about it you might wonder why no attention is put on the subject matter of relationships and marriage in school. After all, not everyone needs algebra to get along in life but everyone needs to understand relationships in order to have a fulfilling marriage. Statistics are blind but they're not dumb; they're shouting at the top of their lungs a message of caution and a suggestion to learn.

By reading my book Lessons For A Happy Marriage, everyone has the ability to learn what it takes to have a happy and fulfilling marriage for the rest of their life. Nobody needs to set sail on the ocean of uncertainty filled with all sorts of dangers. When you don't know how to sail, even the tiniest wind can set you off course. On the other hand when you have studied and understand the construction of your marriage and the threatening elements that can upset your marriage you will know exactly what to do; the stormiest seas will become mere zephyrs.

You and your future soul mate deserve to have the happiest marriage ever. You are divine children set in a fragrant garden filled with fruits of love and harmony. Remember the following 4 points in order to live in joy:

1. Marriage is not meant to be hard. Learn the rules and know the tools so you are not doing the equivalent of using a hairbrush for a hammer.
2. You are marrying the most important person in your life. Treat them better than you would the President of country.
3. Marriage is where you learn to love unconditionally; always improve your efforts.
4. "Fools argue, wise persons discuss." Never argue with your spouse.

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Posted by Paul Friedman on February 03, 2009 | Categories: for newlyweds, relationship advice

Relationship Advice For Newlyweds Part 2

Continued from Relationship Advice For Newlyweds Part 1

The love you feel for each other is just the beginning.
It gets better every day, and this relationship advice will show you how!

Forget those people who tell you how your love and passion will take a back seat to the so called realities of life. What do they know!? Just because "everybody" says the same thing, doesn't make it true. Remember not too long ago "everyone" believed if you sailed too far west you would fall off the edge of the world. Ignorance is ignorance no matter where it comes from. You have the ability to have increased love in your marriage and it ain't hard!

The first thing you need to do is not do anything destructive any more. Fights are no longer acceptable forms of communication. If you feel the urge to be rude, go stand in front of the mirror first and take the aggression and anger out of your system by forcing a smile on your face. It is your face and it must do as it is told.

Say to your image, "You are so awesome and beautiful, nothing can make you angry. If you get angry you won't look beautiful anymore and you will feel like a dope later. Have a drink of water and remember how amazing your lover is."

Next, replace the destructive notions with powerful ideas of praise for your spouse. Crowd out the "rat" thoughts that are nibbling on your happiness with loyal thoughts of praise and admiration. Recall the qualities that won you over in the first place and don't even allow thoughts like "nobody is perfect" in your mind. It is your mind and you can make it think and feel any way you wish. Practice these relationship advice steps:

• Plan to say something to your spouse that will make them feel special, every day.
• Plan to understand more about your spouse every single day (don't be a pest; be subtle).
• Praise your spouse every single day. It can be for the same thing as yesterday.
• Tell your spouse "I love you" as often as possible.
• Hold hands even when you don't feel like it.
• Always respond affectionately to affection.

The one you married is your ideal spouse and co-parent. Appreciation is always appreciated and expectations always lead to disappointment.

You will have the best marriage that ever was. You will be a newlywed forever.

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Posted by Paul Friedman on November 04, 2008 | Categories: for newlyweds, relationship advice

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