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Carrying the load of caring for children can be shifted around somewhat and it is only fair for husbands to do as much as they can. But it is wise to understand the underlying forces of nature that try to compel us to see things in a certain way. Read more...

The ease of divorce does not mean it should be utilized. Parents need to exercise their free will to do what is right even when the easy way out is a tempting option. Isn't that what you teach your children? Read more...

...most good people believe they or their spouse have changed so they just don't get along as they used to. Most people blame the lack of joy on anything and everything other than what the real problem is. Read more...

If you have spoken to anyone about the let down some couples experience after the first few years of marriage, they probably said something like, "oh, that's just what happens, welcome to reality." But marriage isn't supposed to transition down. In fact, a healthy marriage is supposed to transition into something much better than the first phase. Read more...

Someone trained in mechanics will help you out very quickly. It is the same for your marriage. If things are not very shaky it is likely that the problem is small and easily fixable. But because there is so little expertise in the marriage world people just give up and haul their family to the junk-yard, also known as divorce court. It is almost always a big mistake. Read more...

I hope you noticed that the title does not leave room for failure. The question is one of speed rather than whether it is possible to have a happy marriage or not. Read more...

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Whenever I meet with couples, the first thing I notice is how polarized they are. The first sign of a couple taking "sides" is that each of the couple defends their own behavior, or excuses it; this is what is taught in our environment. Read more...

I went to the movies the other night with a friend to see "I Love You, Man" because the trailers looked pretty funny, but I probably should have missed it; it was painful. Read more...

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Convincing an unfaithful wife to go to marriage counseling with you would be a very difficult proposition if what you have in mind is a return to a normal marriage. Most women who cheat on their husbands do so out of complete and utter frustration, but with the hope that they do not get caught so they can lead a double life. Read more...

Why would you even want to save your marriage if you couldn't turn it into a happy marriage? It is most unfortunate that our culture accepts the bogus concept of marriage requiring a tremendous amount of work in order for it to be successful. Read more...

The psychological community really has no business giving marital advice. Literally every couple who came to see me after trying marriage therapy was shocked at how simple it is to have a good marriage. Read more...

If you had heard what psychology experts say about marriage, you probably wouldn't have gotten married at all. Read more...

Saving your marriage when your husband is having an affair is not at all impossible. Many couples have faced this problem and were able to develop a beautiful relationship; but there is pain. Read more...

Everyone knows the importance of good marriage communication. There are many books on general communication, but marital communication is highly specialized. Read more...

Marriage problems are rampant in most marriages; that is an unfortunate fact. And because our society is so uneducated in the area of marriage, most couples go from bad to worse in their marriage until they finally decide to end the suffering by getting a divorce. Read more...

"We stay married just for the kids..." I can't tell you how many times I heard that from really good people; couples who were willing to endure almost anything for the sake of their children. If you are making a pact just to live together, why not come up with a pact that creates happiness? Read more...

It is not entirely your fault that your marriages have not worked. If someone were to tell you, "Oh, go ahead, you can fly it, you don't need any training, everybody flies 747's," you would be in a heap of trouble. Our culture neither supports marriage nor advocates any kind of realistic training for married couples. Read more...

Marriage counseling is one of the most ridiculous industries in our country. Marriage issues cannot be solved through marriage counseling but they can be solved by married couples. Here are five simple ways to resolve marriage issues that you can start using right now. Read more...

To have people say, "There goes a happy married couple," all you have to do is learn what marriage is all about and follow the rules of success. Read more...

It is incorrect to believe that your marriage is over even after your spouse has filed for a divorce. Remember that the person you are married to was someone who chose you and who you chose to spend the rest of your life with. Read more...

In this day and age the term "grounds for divorce" has become somewhat passe. In most states all you need to do to get a divorce is file as "irreconcilable differences." But most people who get a divorce only get one because they don't know what else to do. The resources that most people are exposed to for helping their troubled marriage are simply inadequate because marriage is not understood. Read more...

Divorce mediation can be more than just helping people split property and create child-sharing programs. A good mediator will look beyond the current situation a couple is going through in order to help them see the possibility of remaining together. Read more...

If you want to save your marriage, the question of how you are going to be dealing with your spouse is of paramount importance. There are different methods that have been tried and have proven to be failures time and again. Let's go over those failed methods which at first seem so tempting but prove to be disastrous. Read more...

Our country can literally stop divorce in its tracks if we eradicate the devilish notion that marriage problems are just a natural part of marriage. Read more...

There is a certain hopelessness that funnels people towards divorce rather than solutions for their marital problems. The fact of the matter is that traditional and widely accepted methods of dealing with marital problems obviously don't work (a 50 to 60% divorce rate for first-time marriages is pretty gruesome). Read more...

When I realized how destructive divorce is to children, I began to study how to make marriages so good that no one would ever want to end them. I found that marriage is completely misunderstood, which is why the divorce rate is so staggeringly high. Read more...

If a man and a woman are having difficulty in marriage, they need to address the reality that their approach to marriage is simply incorrect. Getting distance from their soul mate will not help at all. Read more...

I don't think it's a coincidence that the name Valentine comes from the Latin word for 'worthy.' The actual Saint Valentine that we celebrate on February 14 was a Christian martyr, but not a patron saint of love, marriage or anything else that might be romantically connected to his name. But the word 'worthy' describes someone of great value: your spouse. Read more...

Isn't it amazing that most of us will never really use much math in our daily life yet they pump it into our heads as if our life depended on it? On the other hand we don't know didily about relationships, happy marriages, or the other gender, and they hand us a diploma at graduation as if we are now prepared for life; it's ridiculous! Read more...

ou thought your passion and mutual love would guide you through any conceivable rough spots? You felt your communication skills are fine? You think you understand your partner but they are not loving and considerate? You think you can do much better once you're free from this current "mistake"? Welcome to the club of pain and suffering! Read more...

A good mediator will never funnel a couple towards divorce. From their own experience they recognize most couples are merely stuck in old habits. In most cases the so-called problems in a marriage are like dark clouds of misunderstanding blocking the sunshine of goodwill and love. Read more...

Most people who go to marriage counselors end up getting a divorce within a year; their usual excuse is that these people were "destined" to get a divorce but made a last ditch effort. But that's like a doctor who loses all of his patients to death saying they were going to die anyway; it just doesn't cut it. Read more...

If you were told to get in an airplane and fly it, I don't think you would attempt to unless you were a trained pilot. But when you got into marriage, you got into something that was way over your head because you had (have) no idea about what a marriage is or how to behave in one. Read more...

Every couple who came to see me where there was infidelity, was able to rescue and resuscitate their marriage. In fact, they went on to have amazing marriages because once they learned how to be married, the normal evil actions of that infidelity were understood and put into a context of non-judgment. Read more...

When you no longer see a way out of the suffering it is perfectly natural to weigh your options and start looking at the repercussions of getting a divorce. Most people at that point are in survival mode which means the first questions are probably not even the correct ones. Read more...

The truth of the matter is that the field of psychology has almost no business getting involved in marital counseling. The proof of this statement is in the indisputable fact that marriage counselors suffer the same rate of divorce as everyone else; they obviously don't know more than anyone else about marriage. Read more...

…why do we have a divorce rate of around 60% and a happy marriage rate of (I'm guessing here) 5 to 10%? It's because good marriage advice is hard to come by and good divorce questions are easily answered. It should be the other way around! Read more...

Marriage is an invention of God's. Although God's laws are "defined" through religion His love is the universal component in all religions and the most important reality. While one religion may suggest the worship of God while on your knees and another religion has you standing up while you pray, both religions are praying to the same God. Read more...

If you think about it you might wonder why no attention is put on the subject matter of relationships and marriage in school. After all, not everyone needs algebra to get along in life but everyone needs to understand relationships in order to have a fulfilling marriage. Read more...

Freudian-trained marriage counselors are trained to give therapy for various psychological ills. In a few cases the therapy they offer is useful. But marriages never need therapy; couples merely need information. Read more...

In our society, in our time, the origins and correct uses of marriage are almost completely lost. The proof of my statement is in the divorce statistics and backed up by what everyone knows; happy marriages are extremely rare. My statement is also backed up by the fact that marriage counseling exists at all. Read more...

If most people are getting marriage counseling when they are having troubles in their marriage or relationship why is there such a high rate of divorce? Are most people simply too stupid to be married? Is marriage meant to only be a place of suffering and endurance? Read more...

Have you tried marriage counseling yet? If you haven't my advice to you is don't risk your marriage. Marriage problems are the food for marriage counseling but not the solution for your marital problems. Many people who go to marriage counseling love the counselors they see - and then they get a divorce. Read more...

It is an interesting phenomenon that most of the complaints about sexless marriage come from women rather than men. It could be of course that when men get resistance to their desires for sex they either retire into a shell or look elsewhere. If you're looking for healthy intimacy in your marital relationship that includes sex I think I can be of service… Read more...

...in a relationship there are broadly two categories of lying: one is where the partner is protecting them self and the other is where the partner is trying to protect you. Read more...

When I first set up my practice to help people learn how to turn their marriage around and create a happy relationship, I was astounded by the number of people who had already been to marriage counselors and had failed. I thought my own experiences with marriage counseling were an unfortunate coincidence; my wife and I never found success with marriage counselors… Read more...

I know that it sounds crazy to list marriage counseling as a cause of divorce and even crazier to call it one of the greatest causes of divorce, but it's true… Clinical psychologists are not healers; they are essentially students who rarely have the same mental capability as doctors. To make matters worse, clinical psychologists pretend to be experts in relationships even though the vast majority of couples who go to marriage counseling end up divorced soon thereafter. Read more...

When people reach the end of their emotional and psychological rope they invariably ask if their marriage is worth saving. Ironically, they already know intuitively they should save their marriage; they just don't know how. Read more...

We humans are pretty clever in our ignorance. When it comes to describing the results of divorce we have become masters of ignorance. Not only have we accepted divorce as normal but we have excused it completely and even come up with so-called benefits Read more...

The ghosts I want to save you from are the formless phantoms that may be haunting your marriage. The formless entities that threaten your marriage are very real indeed. The most destructive phantom you can save your marriage from is Fear. Fear is the spirit of mistrust, doubt and uncertainty Read more...

The divorce rate in our society is so high that everyone gives up long before they should without fully considering what they could do to save their marriage. And it is completely understandable. Part of the crisis in our country is that when people are having difficulty with their marriage they look for marriage counseling... Read more...

It is my passion and my mission to stop divorce. It is destroying my country and eroding my family tree. It has undermined my community and impacted my children. It has defined the society within which I live in terms that are an embarrassment. I see people who give up on the spiritual values and moral standards that are foundational for a successful society. My friends and neighbors have learned to rationalize, as have I. Read more...

Most people think saving a marriage is a pretty complex affair, but it isn't. Imagine if somebody gave you the keys to a car before you ever learned to drive. That's what it was like for you and most people when you got married. People just expect you to know what to do. Read more...

We live in a very difficult world. We are surrounded by criticism and nonsupport and so we are always on the defensive. It seems most of the time we are faced with challenges; prosperity and happiness do not come naturally to most people, they have to be fought for. Read more...

People are starting to become more aware of the pitfalls and dangers of marriage counseling. I personally cannot think of a more misleading group of so-called professionals. There are some very good reasons to avoid marriage counselors. Read more...

Most people, not only you, are insecure about their relationships. It's not just marital or significant other relationships that can be difficult. Maintaining healthy relationships is universally a problematic experience. Read more...

It is easy for most people to understand why they need training in order to be safe. I hope you see where I'm going with this. Read more...

I think you'll find my approach to infidelity warning signs a bit different then what you have heard from top psychologists. My approach is not for you to spy on your spouse, but rather take a look at your own behavior. Read more...

When I began my research into what I needed to know in order to help people have a happy marriage one of the first things I looked for were the actions that lead to unhappiness. Still my simple idea was, and still remains, if you are doing everything right the wrong things don't have time to slip in. Read more...

It's up to us to compare notes, try new things and see what works for us; and then share what we know with others. Read more...

To make a relationship last, infuse love with as many thoughts as you can for your spouse every moment. Read more...

By the time people have fumbled around in a marital relationship and are looking for divorce advice they are discouraged and confused. But the most simple advice for those who have children is don't do it, if there is any way at all to avoid it. Read more...

I know you girls will be reading this even though this is directed towards the guys in your life; it's okay... It really isn't that hard to understand women in relationships if you understand the biology and psycho-physiological drives that create the desires and needs within her. Read more...

Nearly everyone I met with was convinced their spouse was untrustworthy and untruthful. When I questioned them they realized they had exaggerated little incidences into huge dramas that scared them into very defensive postures. Read more...

When I speak with couples who are in a troubled marriage, they readily admit they had no idea of what they were getting into. By the time reality shows itself they are ill equipped to define it. Read more...

From my point of view it is rather unfortunate that psychologists are viewed by most people as being at the same educational and intelligence level as a doctor of medicine. Read more...

Compatibility is very important. So I have come up with the ultimate Am I Ready to Get Married Quiz. Read more...

But instead of getting right to the heart of the problem the government is dealing with a result of the problem, an ailing industry... Like an ailing marriage. Read more...

For most people who are uninformed about marriage and how a marriage works, the new baby actually becomes a subconscious excuse to not face reality. Read more...

If you want to get rid of your marriage problems stop making new ones and the old ones will disappear on their own. Does this make sense to you? Read more...

If you have answered yes to at least two out of the four questions you are not only compatible but you have the ability to have the happiest marriage on Earth. Read more...

The most important question to ask before ending a relationship is, "Is this the kind of person I want to spend my entire life with?" If the answer is "no," … Read more...

The above are the three biggest mistakes women make in picking a spouse. The best way to pick a husband is by creating a list of all the favorable traits you can think of for your future husband. Then prioritize your list and challenge your top 10 selections. Read more...

By following the four steps outlined above you almost certainly have a fulfilling and loving relationship - it almost can't be helped. Read more...

Please don't imagine that perfect is not possible; it is. Some of the attributes you might come up with may be slightly different from what others come up with, but there will be definite similarities. Read more...

Now ask me about relationship compatibility. It always boils down to the same thing, the more you give, the better you live. Read more...

Never think of jealousy as part of yourself or anyone else. Jealousy, like other unwelcome intruders, can be pushed out by the owner of the mind. Read more...

...it is normal to have a happy marriage as long as you're following what I would call the physics of marriage. There are natural laws for everything. Read more...

Most often a relationship can be saved even when there is infidelity. But it is more difficult to save marriages that are falling apart when the wife has become involved with another man then the other way around. Read more...

A lot of time and money could be saved, and emotional pain and suffering would end if people understood one another and realized that the family is meant to be the safest refuge in the world. Read more...

I have prepared a list of four intimate questions to ask your partner. I want you to take turns asking each other and then thoroughly enjoy watching, and experiencing each other's responses. Read more...

Our environment prods us towards happiness, sadness, boredom or excitement, but it is not outer conditions alone that are responsible for our feelings. Read more...

When we enter into a marriage it isn't our job to criticize our partner for their weaknesses. It is our job to support them through their difficult times. Read more...

When we have established the relationship of a marriage or our intention to be married we agree to open our hearts so love can flow through without restrictions. Read more...

The first thing you need to do is not do anything dumb (any more). Fights are no longer acceptable forms of communication. Read more...

My belief is divorce has become acceptable because mainstream therapists simply don't know how to help a married couple remain together. Read more...

Where do you live? Do you live in a city, an apartment, a house or the country? Or do you live in a family? Or maybe where you really live is within yourself. Think about it. You are constantly surrounded, physically by your physical environment. Read more...

Warning: This Article is for Those who are Having Second Thoughts soon After the Wedding and are Not Pregnant and Don't Have Children Read more...

The effort required to learn how to be happily married is microscopic compared to the suffering that comes from getting a divorce. Read more...

Having a happy marriage doesn't require "fixing" each other or even yourself. You and your spouse are more than good enough to be happily married. Marriage only requires adjusting your behavior and communication to what is called for in a marriage. Read more...

As far as I know nobody has asked to change the vows one makes at the altar to something other than "until death do you part" The idea of marriage being a permanent relationship that lasts a lifetime is tremendously important…. Read more...

Keep things in perspective. Realize how much you have and how much better your life will be by appreciating your spouse and giving them nothing but love. Read more...

The above five tips are just the tip of the iceberg. A truly happy marriage comes from unselfish and mature behavior. Read more...

Remember, your honeymoon needs to stand out in your lives as a spiritual event unlike a typical vacation. Do you want to come home from your honeymoon to talk about how drunk you got? Read more...

There are still so many women who believe they must compete with men. By doing so, they give up their own power. When a woman transfers her love into action, no man can resist. Read more...

I have no idea how many age old dilemmas exist, but I'm sure there's a mountain of them. One of those ugly dilemmas is when you are married to someone your family says they don't like. Honestly, my heart goes out to you. Read more...

What you have learned from your own experience is very valuable, especially when you don't have to follow the advice yourself. But there are some practical foundational suggestions you could make that will be perennially helpful. Read more...

Here is a letter I received from someone who read one of my blogs: Dear Paul, It is true that one ought not to adopt the role of a teacher...that would not be appropriate in a relationship...one wants to love and be loved. Read more...

...Most men are not natural Casanovas. Introducing themselves to a woman is very painful and scary for most men. So when they have close relationships with other attractive women who are either single or married, the temptation to venture is tremendous. Read more...

The old saying, "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure" is certainly relevant when it comes to relationships. But if there is a panacea to be found it would be in the "I'm sorry" drawer. Read more...

Anyone can tell you with great authority a marriage is not a washing machine. It does not take a genius to make such an obvious statement. But understanding marriage is not like trying to find the keys to universal questions either. With what we already know about cause and effect in human interaction, the so-called problems found in marriage should be easily identifiable. Read more...

Have you ever lied? Have you ever stretched the truth? Have you ever exaggerated a story? Have you ever said something that wasn't exactly accurate but was kind of close to accurate? Do you know anyone who is 100% pure? I don't. Read more...

For the most part men are clumsy and women are inarticulate when it comes to intimacy. In fact it is difficult to call the sexual interaction between most couples intimacy, at all. Read more...

The sacrifices you will make and the efforts you will put forth will far exceed any possible return. I'm not saying there won't be rewards; there will be. But for the most part you are giving without any desire for a "return." Read more...

The physics of building a passive solar home were known. I just used the rules in ways that had not yet been done before. Similarly, I know the "physics" of relationships also work regardless of a particular set of circumstances. Read more...

A quick review of divorce statistics screams at us. We are doing something wrong as a society in terms of teaching ourselves how we choose our partners. The criteria we use for getting married does not work. Read more...

Every marriage counselor has a list of divorce lawyers and mediators they will refer you to after they have "done all they could" for you. When you get to divorce court, clinical psychologists who were trained in the same schools as the counselors who failed you, will now decide what is best for your kids. Read more...

If you talk to any couple who has been married over 20 years and gets along, the chances are they never went to see a marriage counselor. On the other hand if you talk to a couple that had just gotten a divorce chances are very good they had tried marriage counseling... Read more...

Happy marriage is not an oxymoron. It is a reality for those who understand how it is constructed and what all those little knobs are for. Read more...

Men who think we can understand the mind of a woman are deluding themselves. I am not trying to be funny, just a practical. But men, you don't need to understand them in order to love them and express your love and appreciation. Read more...

The cause of marriage failure lies in not understanding what a marriage is. Read more...

By the time most people have been married a few years they have allowed the spark of intimate passion to recede almost to the point of nonexistence. Is that what you signed up for? Read more...

We don't ask enough questions of ourselves. Although it is true ladies like to 'challenge' themselves, which is different than asking questions, it doesn't help to change behavior. Read more...

Ending a relationship can be a traumatic experience even when both parties know it's time. Merely tell the person you didn't take the time to identify what was important to you, that you were attracted to them and in some ways still are, but want a serious relationship with a person who doesn't have to change in order to meet your own needs. Read more...

The children do know what is going on. They know their lives are falling apart. They know life will never be the same. They know, even if their parents don't. Read more...

When people are having difficulties with their marriage the first thing they want to do is find out about a divorce. They want to know what to expect in terms of costs, how long it takes, and what the laws are that govern a divorce. Read more...

Questions about divorce usually begin with people asking their friends who have already gone through the divorce process. They are generally subtle so the person being asked doesn't really know that the one asking is contemplating a divorce. Read more...

Very few people actually get a divorce because of adultery. Of course it's difficult to track the statistics since the advent of uncontested divorce. Anyone involved in the divorce system will tell you that adultery is something most people get beyond. I need to clarify something. Read more...

There are very few tragedies that impact a child more than the splitting of his or her parents. The foundation for a child is their parents; both of them. Read more...