Marriage is Supposed to be the Happiest Place on Earth

(Sorry Walt)

It seems impossible at times to get free of the tremendous burdens we have to face on a day to day basis. Our existence seems hemmed in by all kinds of dangers. There is danger in the economy, danger of insane people losing it and going on a rampage, and there is even danger of our kids being lured into using drugs and alcohol.

We need to stay as alert as can be at all times to avoid the traps surrounding us. Where are we safe? For most people marriage isn't safe either; but it is supposed to be.

Whenever I meet with couples, the first thing I notice is how polarized they are. The first sign of a couple taking "sides" is that each of the couple defends their own behavior, or excuses it; this is what is taught in our environment.

I don't watch TV at home but occasionally I get glued if I'm in a waiting room or something. The underlying theme I notice is always the same: someone else did something to cause somebody's problems. Our socialization is based on pointing out how all our problems happen because of outside influences, as if we are all victims of circumstances beyond our control. But your marriage is under your control. There are only two of you; surely you, as an individual, can figure out a way to make your marriage pleasant! Trust me, I have heard from people who literally have no options to make it work because of a truly broken spouse who is drug dependent or violent. But most marriages get into a downward spiral where the couple competes to see who can be the most mean. Those marriages can be fixed!

Don't Let the World come into Your Marriage

When you get married you get to move your walls and filters out of the way between you and your spouse. For the most part they are unnecessary. The worldly creatures and demons cannot get into your marital space unless they are invited; don't invite them in.

Have you been doing any of the following?

• Do you share your negative views of your spouse or relationship with anyone else; friend, sibling or even a co-worker? If you do, you are violating their trust and literally bringing strangers into your marriage.
• Do you compare your spouse to others? It is wrong to do so even in your mind because your spouse is supposed to be honored by you, not criticized.
• Do you praise and lovingly support your spouse whenever an opportunity presents itself? It is the world's way to judge and criticize others, but that kind of behavior has no place in a happy marriage.

The reason you got married was to find happiness through companionship and family; that is why everyone gets married. The greatest fallacy is that you won't find that happiness unless your spouse provides it. They actually cannot provide it. I'm not saying they can't make you miserable if they choose to, but generally speaking the spouse who is misbehaving is not trying to be mean. Try behaving how you should behave, not how you think you need to behave as a reaction to someone else's behavior. Try giving unconditional love; even when it's not being offered to you.