Is Asking for Marriage Counseling a Good Way to be Dealing With your Spouse?

How do you know when it is time for professional help?

There are expectations you have for every aspect of your life. Some are reasonable and others are not, but they are yours and you have every right to have them. As long as you are realistic about whether your expectations will be met or not, your life will be more or less drama-free. It's having too high of expectations that creates drama.

Of course some people actually like drama and keeping things stirred is part of their routine. But let's say you are basically a good person who prefers a more or less drama free life and your marriage is drifting away from your initial expectations; is it time to do something about it? Do you need professional help to get on the course you want? Is your spouse doing fine?

What are Reasonable Expectations of Marriage?

The current general consensus of what is reasonable to expect from marriage is nonsense. If you had heard what psychology experts say about marriage, you probably wouldn't have gotten married at all. Those grim folks were the troubled kids in high school and analyze suffering till it looks like a Woody Allen movie from the 60's.

Marriage is Supposed to be Awesome!

I'm not kidding! Here is a partial list of what you should expect from a properly functioning, normal marriage; the kind everyone can have if they know what to do:

1) Loyalty

Loyalty is a situational kind of thing. A boss or employee, for instance, can expect the type of loyalty that benefits both and is sort of traded. The boss is loyal to a degree in exchange for the employee's loyalty because it works for both. It's based on mutual benefit and lasts as long as it is needed. It doesn't require admiration or anything and there is no need for either to earn it (although some people foolishly think it does). It is business.

Loyalty in marriage is situational, too. But the standards are the highest, and you should expect your spouse to be loyal. You expect yourself to be even more loyal than your spouse so you never waiver. After all, you cannot impose expectations on anyone else; not even your spouse. But still, you should expect loyalty.

2) Unconditional love

Unconditional love is something you desire above all else. Some of you never thought about it but the truth is that it is an innate desire embedded in every living thing. The biggest problem with expecting unconditional love is where we expect it from. No spouse is even remotely capable of expressing unconditional love. But you should make every effort to give unconditional love and then you will experience it.

3) Harmony (no fights or discord of any kind)

See! You probably think it's impossible because of those psychology rascals, but it is not only possible it is what you should expect! Marital fighting is bullsoup (my daughter's phrase). Why would you want to fight with your soul mate, best friend, lover, partner, grooviest (now you know I'm old) person you know?

You do not need marriage counseling, nor thinking about "dealing with your spouse." What you do need is a working knowledge of marriage - like a manual; like what is found in my Lessons For A Happy Marriage. You need to know that there are answers for you out there that are simple and doable. Whether you get my presentation or someone else's doesn't matter to me. I just want you to be happy (yes, there are real people like me who want you to be happy). I'll be praying for you.