How to Save a Marriage after your Husband was Caught Cheating

Saving your marriage when your husband is having an affair is not at all impossible. Many couples have faced this problem and were able to develop a beautiful relationship; but there is pain. There are internal and external challenges which need to be dealt with as detached as you can handle.

Let's examine the causes of an affair (as compared with a fling or other type of irregular event).

The Cause of Cheating helps Define the Correct Responses

First I must acknowledge the desire, if not the need, to become very angry, extremely sad, and often confused. The emotions that erupt in the heart and mind will cloud judgment and do much harm if not brought under control. So, remember, your mind is your tool; not your master. Separate your mind from you and watch it freak out, but deny its power over you by telling it everything will work out.

Everything will work out.

The husband caught cheating on his wife was open to the opportunity because he was not finding satisfaction at home. Let's not add guilt to the above emotions (or get mad at me for suggesting it is your "fault"), but rather try to understand a man is human and not always open about his feelings.

The fact of the matter is, he needed something that he was not getting at home. Could it be more obvious? If we start listing the things he was missing we will both go nuts. The truth is you already know what he was not getting.

Change the Current Reality to Bring him Back

A man will not stray from a loving wife. If your man finds another woman interesting he will ignore her as long as you are treating him as your king. When a man is weak, a woman must be even more affectionate and loving. If the desire to lash out comes to the fore and you release it, your man will run from you. But if you forgive him and tell him you will do all you can to win him back, and do so, he will come back and stay with you.

• Don't feel guilty for driving him away, just change
• Don't express anger for what he did or is doing, show compassion
• Don't think he owes you now, be gracious
• Do express love and compassion, the feminine traits a man desires most
• Do make love (but have him wear a condom to be safe)
• Do make a greater effort to show your desire for him

The above are not temporary measures to take; it is how you should always behave in a marriage anyway.

The wife's role is much greater than the husband's because she has the greater capacity for love and deep intimacy. Many women have unfair if not unnatural expectations of men. Pretending men and women are "equal" in all areas is a sure way to destroy the potential for harmony.

If your husband has cheated on you, it is time to be honest with yourself and ask, "If I were married to me, what would make me want me?" You cannot rely on the integrity of your husband when you challenge it by rejecting him. You can save your marriage.